How to Be a Mom and Write

The title is a bit misleading. I’m not going to tell you how to mom or how to write or how to do both at once. I will tell you what works for me, as someone who has written a few books and several short stories during my eight years of motherhood.

Save the Hippopotamus Dude for later

However you feel about the adage “write what you know”, now is really the time to write what you know. It is far easier to jump into a character that is familiar than to write about a time-traveling choirmaster from Vienna who thinks he’s a hippopotamus (unless that’s you. I’m not here to judge).

So save the choirmaster for a quieter time in life. Choose a character that is familiar, whether there are elements of autobiography in them or they’re based on a person you know. At the very least, pick a character whose desire line is relatively straightforward.

The same goes for world-building. It is very hard to keep the threads of a universe-spanning, multi-novel space opera in your brain box when you aren’t able to write consistently or for lengthy periods of time. That beautiful idea will still be there in three years when your kids are older. Give yourself permission to come back to it.

Don’t Look Back

When you can’t write every day, it is tempting to re-read the last thing you wrote to remember where you left off. If you can make one tweak to your writing, I suggest you end every session with a note about what you’re going to write next. Some people even stop mid-sentence, so they can dive right back in. Whatever you do, don’t waste your precious writing time getting sucked into re-reading or, worse, editing.

It’s a trap. Trust me.

Be Easy on Yourself

This might sound trite, but it’s the most important thing on this page. Your kids will only be little for a short period of time. One day, you’ll have an empty house that you can fill with the sounds of tapping keys and you’ll miss the constant “mom mom moms” and … I’ll stop there.

Don’t Listen to Anyone Else

I see a lot of threads on Twitter and elsewhere, with people explaining what works for them.

Waking up at 5 am. Writing until 5 am. Drinking coffee. Drinking beer. Having a buddy. Having a stuffy. Post-it notes. Binders. Plotting. Pantsing.

You’ll find the system that works for you, but remember not to compare yourself to others. The truth is, anyone who is writing volumes while parenting probably has some privilege on their side, whether that’s a supportive partner, or a partner who works enough that mom-author can author, or a trust fund. Or, maybe they worked ten years in a soul-crushing job so they could take a year off to write.

Whatever their support system, it may not be yours. So find the system that works for you, with your limited time and resources, and remember that your mom years are not likely to be your most productive years, and that’s totally okay.

Be easy on yourself. Choose the simpler project. Write when you can. Don’t look back and don’t listen to anyone else.

Except me. You’re allowed to listen to me. 🙂


We need to talk about titles …

Objectively, titles are the worst part about writing. I don’t care how you feel about beginnings, endings, or middles.


The Worst.

Crafting titles for high school or undergrad essays was one thing. The only stakes involved with your Hamlet pun was whether or not you’d bring a shred of joy to your jaded English teacher’s existence. It was a low bar.

Stories and novels are a different beast.

It is hard enough to draft 3,000 clever, original, and engaging words to fill a short story, let alone 60,000 + words to form a novel. Accomplishing the same feat in one to five words is an unforgiving task.

I have three methods for coming up with titles.

Title First

Rarely, I will be hit with the creative inspiration for a title before the substance of the story coalesces in my brain box. This happened with my story The Bog Season. I was walking in the post-winter woods, half-drowned in dead pools left behind by the receding snows. It put me in the mind of Baba Yaga and the title The Starwood Witch came to me. I sat on that title and the seeds of a story for over a year before I finally wrote it and changed the title to its current iteration.

Captain Obvious FTW

Most often, I will write a thing and the first title that comes to mind is the one I roll with. Chimera, the book I’m currently querying, is about a girl who fears she is a chimera. So, in a fit of inspiration, I named the book Chimera. Yeah.

Title? Who needs a title?

I throw in a placeholder, write a thing, and then wrangle endlessly with the recalcitrant title. This is the process I am currently muddling through. I have almost finished the first draft of my work-in-progress and all I have so far is the ridiculous placeholder I chose for this website. I went for a walk today to try to drum up a name, and I have … not much to show for it. Outside In? All of Me? Inside, I’m Normal? Normal Inside?

If you have another method, please let me know. Better yet, just send me an oracle AI that I can feed my story into in return for a title.

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash


Five Things I Don’t Miss from 90s SFF

A lot has changed in the past twenty years. Is that statement ever not true? My next sentence should probably be something like: “nowhere is this more apparent than in the world of speculative fiction”. But that would be a lie … we’ve seen far more important changes in the past couple of decades than the evolution of genre literature (climate change, smartphone addiction, the steady erosion of mainstream media).

I digress.

The point of this blog post is not to list all the terrible things. The point is to list terrible things that are no longer terrible things in science fiction and fantasy books. I am currently reading a pre-2000 fantasy novel, one that is on many people’s “best of” lists. It’s a great read, with incredible world-building and a plot that keeps me turning pages.


A lot has changed in the past twenty years.

Let’s play “top five terrible tropes” – here is my list of things that ought to have withered on the spec fic tree during the past couple of decades, courtesy of the Nameless Nineties Novel I’m currently reading. Had enough alliteration yet?

1. Wry smiles. It was mandatory in 20th century fantasy novels to have one rogueish character who delighted in nothing more than throwing off wry and sardonic smiles. I’m looking at you, Jimmy the Hand.

2. Non-consensual kisses. It was also mandatory for said rogueish characters to get away with kissing intelligent, confident, successful women who, instead of adding the asshole to their #metoo list, would be somehow charmed by getting law-of-surprised on the mouth.

3. Titillating m-m / f-f action. There are lots of examples of genre fiction from this time normalizing queer identities and relationships. There are also lots of examples of lines such as: “Guilford Aelfoldeas bedded a few ladies (and, it was rumoured, a few men) in his day.” Mro ho ho, you don’t say! Colour me titillated, my dear 90s author!

4.  Nice guys. No elaboration required on this one.

5. Chivalry. Pre-2000, it didn’t count as fantasy if an honour code wasn’t a central plot device. Even the rogueish characters were bound by them. I’m all for honour, and I understand why we need to fantasize about it when we live in a world seriously lacking in it, but I’m also glad to see modern SFF characters experiencing motivations that I can identify with (e.g. existential dread).

I could go on. Don’t even get me started on feast scenes. What’s your favourite / most hated SFF trope? And how many of these are still going strong? Drop me a line!